Dear Client: I'm Telling you for the last time
If only I had some balls and actually sent out the following, I'd be a happier person.
Dear (Insert Client here):
I assume that I haven't explained myself in a clear way, or maybe I'm talking Swahili when touching on this subject. For this, I apologize. I thought I was capable of expressing a decent sentence or two, but no worries, here I go again, explaining the wonderful world of documents that both you and I need to get our work done. But this time, I would like to make things easier for you, so I'll describe each one in a very simple way. Hope by the end of this you actually understand a word I wrote.
1) Please send all logos in vector files or photoshop high resolution.
Wait! Of course, you have worked years at this and for some reason, no one has fully explained the difference between a vector file and a photoshop file. Let me see if I can help you out! A vector is like a superhuman penis: you can deliver it small but it can grow as long as you want and as huge as you desire, with no limits. That, dear client, is pleasure. All creatives want that superhuman penis file over any other format. Give it to them.
A photoshop logo, first of all, is a freak of nature. But we accept them anyway. Now, also like a penis, you need to make sure it's big enough to do the work. No small file works because, at the end, it just looks awful and doesn't feel right. You see it and you don't like it. So remember, in photoshop, think shlonger. Huge big shlonger.
2) Microsoft word was invented mainly for writing. Don't send a logo placed in a page, please.
Do your pizza man send you your cheese and pepperoni in a shoe box just because it fits? No, right? Then please for the love of Ogilvy, don't think that a Word document is the right vessel. And besides, you should know better than that.
3) If I send you a screenshot to approve the artwork, that doesn't mean that I'm sending you the final artwork. Please, don't send it to the printers.
I'm trying to make your life easier. So please, just approve the artwork and wait for the final artwork to arrive. Just because you love what you see in your email doesn't mean it's ok to get printed.
4) No, you cannot revise artworks in your Word or Powerpoint.
Maybe you can buy all the programs I own and then revise the artwork yourself! All advertising people know that EVERYBODY can design and be a copywriter! Like I can be a surgeon if I just pick up a knife and some rubbing alcohol!
Now... let's talk one more important thing. In fact, this is the reason I wrote this post - again. Let me see if I can put this nicely...
Why am I telling you this again? Honestly! You are in some sort of marketing/advertising position at your company, right? Then YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS! You SHOULD be able to at least know when a logo is delivered in the correct form! You SHOULD know the difference between a JPG and a PDF! You SHOULD know when a photo is way too low resolution to be used in any type of artwork! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS!
Ok so let's argue the fact that you have not worked in advertising, at least not in production. Ok, I'll give you that. But... after years of me asking for the logo in all the descriptions I've listed above... I'd guess you would learn! I mean, if I keep talking about vectors, high resolution, pdf's... repetition SHOULD do the work!
Sad thing is... I have no hope that I will stop writing this post in a couple of years. Might as well learn to deal with it.
Dear (Insert Client here):
I assume that I haven't explained myself in a clear way, or maybe I'm talking Swahili when touching on this subject. For this, I apologize. I thought I was capable of expressing a decent sentence or two, but no worries, here I go again, explaining the wonderful world of documents that both you and I need to get our work done. But this time, I would like to make things easier for you, so I'll describe each one in a very simple way. Hope by the end of this you actually understand a word I wrote.
1) Please send all logos in vector files or photoshop high resolution.
Wait! Of course, you have worked years at this and for some reason, no one has fully explained the difference between a vector file and a photoshop file. Let me see if I can help you out! A vector is like a superhuman penis: you can deliver it small but it can grow as long as you want and as huge as you desire, with no limits. That, dear client, is pleasure. All creatives want that superhuman penis file over any other format. Give it to them.
A photoshop logo, first of all, is a freak of nature. But we accept them anyway. Now, also like a penis, you need to make sure it's big enough to do the work. No small file works because, at the end, it just looks awful and doesn't feel right. You see it and you don't like it. So remember, in photoshop, think shlonger. Huge big shlonger.
2) Microsoft word was invented mainly for writing. Don't send a logo placed in a page, please.
Do your pizza man send you your cheese and pepperoni in a shoe box just because it fits? No, right? Then please for the love of Ogilvy, don't think that a Word document is the right vessel. And besides, you should know better than that.
3) If I send you a screenshot to approve the artwork, that doesn't mean that I'm sending you the final artwork. Please, don't send it to the printers.
I'm trying to make your life easier. So please, just approve the artwork and wait for the final artwork to arrive. Just because you love what you see in your email doesn't mean it's ok to get printed.
4) No, you cannot revise artworks in your Word or Powerpoint.
Maybe you can buy all the programs I own and then revise the artwork yourself! All advertising people know that EVERYBODY can design and be a copywriter! Like I can be a surgeon if I just pick up a knife and some rubbing alcohol!
Now... let's talk one more important thing. In fact, this is the reason I wrote this post - again. Let me see if I can put this nicely...
Why am I telling you this again? Honestly! You are in some sort of marketing/advertising position at your company, right? Then YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS! You SHOULD be able to at least know when a logo is delivered in the correct form! You SHOULD know the difference between a JPG and a PDF! You SHOULD know when a photo is way too low resolution to be used in any type of artwork! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS!
Ok so let's argue the fact that you have not worked in advertising, at least not in production. Ok, I'll give you that. But... after years of me asking for the logo in all the descriptions I've listed above... I'd guess you would learn! I mean, if I keep talking about vectors, high resolution, pdf's... repetition SHOULD do the work!
Sad thing is... I have no hope that I will stop writing this post in a couple of years. Might as well learn to deal with it.
