Five horrible moments that define my Ad Life: Me edition.
This month it seems like the theme is going back in time and remembering. First, it was our first year. Second, Dear Brook asks us what we think about our work... Then, I stumble upon Lemonade and it took me back to all those times that I've talked about retiring from this crap (honest to God, had lunch with RestrictionsApply today and we started yapping about opening some hot dog stand instead of working on one more ad)... and then it hits me.
I've never written about how really bad it has been. And I mean... bad. Really bad. And no, we're not on a rampage about negativity. In fact, I think we're exploring the reality of this business. This blog started in 2005 and still we can find things that bug or piss us off. But I think we've never done this: go into the really dark place and go back and remember what happened.
I'm doing it tonight. God I hope I can go to sleep afterwards and not have nightmares. In no particular order, five horrible moments in my Ad Life.
• The time that I had a nervous meltdown.
This is the only one I truly remember because it taught me a lot about myself and how much I can tolerate just before I just unravel. I never noticed that I was that nervous or that I was overworked. I was just walking at my agency and suddenly I felt it: my brain was trembling, sort of. It was like someone had hit me with something hard and my head felt like a bell that would not stop ringing. I felt horrible, it never went away. I had scans, I went to the hospital for many days. No doctor had an idea of what could possibly be the cause of my illness. One doctor gave me Xanax to calm me down, but just because not knowing was making me nervous... and suddenly it went away. It was so much stress my body was shutting down and the only way I felt better was by relaxing myself with medications. Oh yes, one day ask your Human Resources person on what doctor and medication your agency covers most at your agency: psychologists and anti-depressants.
• The time that I grabbed my bag and walked up Human Resources to quit on the spot.
That was a sad day because I really did not want to be there anymore. I felt horrible. I felt like in a cage, like in prison. I hated going to work. I even hated dressing up in the morning to go to work because I really despised being inside the building. My HR person told me that if I left, I would give up some of my rights (money) and with tears in my eyes I sat down and kept working. The thing is that everyone does it at some point at their careers.
• The Saturday I was taking a shower and started crying, never stopped until I drove up to the office - after working for a month and a half non-stop.
Desperation is not a word that can describe this. You feel like it's never going to end, like you are working just for the exercise of doing it. Like you're practicing advertising or something. We worked NON STOP for a month and a half. No weekends, no nights. I mean all day and all night, usually until 11-1am. Horrible. Horrible...
• The time I had to go to a film shoot after a night fighting with my ex-husband and only one hour of sleep. Oh and it was a weekend.
That's the thing about our work. Sometimes you just have to go on because, well, the spot airs on a Monday. Sorry. Sorry if you have personal problems that you SHOULD be working on, specially if it's a weekend. Nope. The spot needs to be done, and you need to suck up your personal problems and deal with it. I stopped counting the times I had personal problems that I didn't have time to sort out because of a shit ad. Now... you see?? This makes me angry. I was young and stupid. This should not have happened. Ever.
• The time I saw my friends get fired or that I learned that they were.
It's the sort of experience you never want to remember because it's very visceral. And by that, I mean that you usually get pains and want to throw up. You feel very weird. You feel guilty if you stayed. You feel even worse if you were recently hired but survived the slashings. You feel worried about them, you feel desperate to try to help. The most disturbing thing you will ever see - and it WILL happen - is seeing this. Now, get ready to watch a day when 10, 20 people get fired the same day. Yes. There is nothing more disturbing than seeing it and wondering if you will be next... or your friends.
I can add a couple more but that would not even compare to the previous five. I do this because; 1) it's nice to go back to see what happened and if I learned anything, 2) young people out there REALLY need to know that the bullshit that colleges promise is just stories. It gets bad. In fact, I can go back to last November when I cried until I couldn't no more, because I was overworked - AND I HAVE MY OWN BUSINESS. Yes, I overworked MYSELF.
Learn people, learn. It's not so pretty sometimes.
I've never written about how really bad it has been. And I mean... bad. Really bad. And no, we're not on a rampage about negativity. In fact, I think we're exploring the reality of this business. This blog started in 2005 and still we can find things that bug or piss us off. But I think we've never done this: go into the really dark place and go back and remember what happened.
I'm doing it tonight. God I hope I can go to sleep afterwards and not have nightmares. In no particular order, five horrible moments in my Ad Life.
• The time that I had a nervous meltdown.
This is the only one I truly remember because it taught me a lot about myself and how much I can tolerate just before I just unravel. I never noticed that I was that nervous or that I was overworked. I was just walking at my agency and suddenly I felt it: my brain was trembling, sort of. It was like someone had hit me with something hard and my head felt like a bell that would not stop ringing. I felt horrible, it never went away. I had scans, I went to the hospital for many days. No doctor had an idea of what could possibly be the cause of my illness. One doctor gave me Xanax to calm me down, but just because not knowing was making me nervous... and suddenly it went away. It was so much stress my body was shutting down and the only way I felt better was by relaxing myself with medications. Oh yes, one day ask your Human Resources person on what doctor and medication your agency covers most at your agency: psychologists and anti-depressants.
• The time that I grabbed my bag and walked up Human Resources to quit on the spot.
That was a sad day because I really did not want to be there anymore. I felt horrible. I felt like in a cage, like in prison. I hated going to work. I even hated dressing up in the morning to go to work because I really despised being inside the building. My HR person told me that if I left, I would give up some of my rights (money) and with tears in my eyes I sat down and kept working. The thing is that everyone does it at some point at their careers.
• The Saturday I was taking a shower and started crying, never stopped until I drove up to the office - after working for a month and a half non-stop.
Desperation is not a word that can describe this. You feel like it's never going to end, like you are working just for the exercise of doing it. Like you're practicing advertising or something. We worked NON STOP for a month and a half. No weekends, no nights. I mean all day and all night, usually until 11-1am. Horrible. Horrible...
• The time I had to go to a film shoot after a night fighting with my ex-husband and only one hour of sleep. Oh and it was a weekend.
That's the thing about our work. Sometimes you just have to go on because, well, the spot airs on a Monday. Sorry. Sorry if you have personal problems that you SHOULD be working on, specially if it's a weekend. Nope. The spot needs to be done, and you need to suck up your personal problems and deal with it. I stopped counting the times I had personal problems that I didn't have time to sort out because of a shit ad. Now... you see?? This makes me angry. I was young and stupid. This should not have happened. Ever.
• The time I saw my friends get fired or that I learned that they were.
It's the sort of experience you never want to remember because it's very visceral. And by that, I mean that you usually get pains and want to throw up. You feel very weird. You feel guilty if you stayed. You feel even worse if you were recently hired but survived the slashings. You feel worried about them, you feel desperate to try to help. The most disturbing thing you will ever see - and it WILL happen - is seeing this. Now, get ready to watch a day when 10, 20 people get fired the same day. Yes. There is nothing more disturbing than seeing it and wondering if you will be next... or your friends.
I can add a couple more but that would not even compare to the previous five. I do this because; 1) it's nice to go back to see what happened and if I learned anything, 2) young people out there REALLY need to know that the bullshit that colleges promise is just stories. It gets bad. In fact, I can go back to last November when I cried until I couldn't no more, because I was overworked - AND I HAVE MY OWN BUSINESS. Yes, I overworked MYSELF.
Learn people, learn. It's not so pretty sometimes.
